You know a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it——curls weren’t a good look for her. She didn’t have your bone structure. But thankfully, that same day, she entered the Beta Delta Pi wet T-shirt contest where she was completely hosed down from head to toe….

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    Yeah but on a different note: Who the hell calls their child Chutney? Were her siblings called burger relish and...
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